And then some other stuff happened...

bad at the updating

2009-03-31T02:49:49Z

I am bad at the updating. Mostly because I am addicted to facebook and don't generally have anything to say that's all posty mcposterson...

But anyways... here are some things that I am doing:

1. Avoiding my taxes. Really. Haven't done them yet. Will probably be getting a refund too. It's like laziness with a dial that *goes to 11*.

2. Studying as much as I can be arsed. Term ends April 25th and I have a final on April 21st and another one whenever I bother to do it.

3. Working out like 5 days a week and lifting twice a week. I have been doing this for like SIX WEEKS and think that I might have actually started to notice that maybe my pants are a smidge looser. Maybe. Grumbles.

4. Working a lot. Had a big client (the biggest, really) go live March 2nd, have another one going April 6th, and then the last two from the legacy system sometime in may. So. That's...coming along. EMAILS!

5. Sewing stuff for the upcoming quest event.

6. Errr... watching tv? Yeah. And fooling around on Facebook. Yup. That's me. I'm horribly interesting, I swear...

the dream and the promise

2009-01-20T03:30:38Z

So, you'll have to pardon me. I'm watching the Obama Inaugural Celebration on hbo.com and getting all weepy. But it occurs to me at this particular moment in time that it's easier for me to explain why I'm majoring in public service...

I feel like our election of the best man for the job, regardless of his skin color, is the beginning of the delivery on the promise of America. I have always believed in my country, have always been proud of the ideals that we strive for, even when I am disappointed in our ability to achieve those ideals.

And I wanted to help. I wanted to be a part of the solution, and I wanted to lend my arms, my head, and above all, my heart, to that ideal. I wanted to know, at the end of my career, that I did something worthy with my time - something which helped more than me, more than my child, more than my heirs.

I want to believe that there are answers to our problems - poverty, inequality, racism, and the whole host of other seemingly intractable problems we face together. I know there may not be total solutions, and that I might have to accept partial solutions, or even barely adequate solutions... but I want to do something hard. I want to do something worth it, and I want to do something worthy.

I want to be a stone that causes ripples in the pond, affecting things beyond myself, perhaps without ever knowing that it was done, but above all, happy to be doing what I'm doing, even when I feel like I'm failing to achieve my goals.

A good friend once told me that the path of progress may not be easy to walk, and it may seem as if you are not making headway up the mountain... but you should instead notice that you have not yielded backwards even one single inch...

Tomorrow... is one giant step up that mountain.

2008 in review

2008-12-31T13:57:30Z

I have been a bad livejournaler because ...well... a variety of reasons I guess. Posting has fallen out of my normal daily routine, I've had more things to do, I feel like I can't talk about whatever is going on, etc... anyways.

I decided to do a 2008 retrospective. I'm fairly certain I do one every year, although I may have missed last year because I had the death virus.

I have this theory that whatever you do on NYE you will end up doing all year, and I have to say that it's pretty much worked out like that for the last couple of years. Last year on this day I was deathly ill and went to the doctors, went to bed a bit early, etc. This year I was sick twice more and spent a lot of time going to doctors for random illness, pains, and other hypochondriac fascinations. Heh.

It was a pretty fabulous year. I earned 19 more credits towards my degree, putting me firmly in the midst of my junior year at college. I went to my first honor's convocation, and accepted awards and ate really expensive appetizers. Mmmmelitism. I was then awarded the Chancellor's Evening Scholarship, along with two other people, and spent almost the entire first check on trying to get out of debt. It didn't go well, because I quickly charged it almost all the way back up again, but I had a hell of a good time getting there. I also attended a scholar's retreat in August and talked about educational things, hung out with younger people, ate camp food, and saw the creepy carp of pymatuning. It was a good nerd year.

I learned a lot about love and marriage. I learned that some of the things I thought were my flaws were actually my features. I tried to see myself through other's eyes and learned that I am rather harsh on myself and should be more gentle. I fell in love all over again, maybe for the first time ever since it feels so different from all the other times I thought I fell. I told people things that I thought they should know, which opened the door for them to say things they thought I should know, and it brought me closer to friends, family, and others.

I learned to stick up for myself when it matters, and how to determine if it matters or not. I broke a board with my hand and became a regular combatant. *chuckles* I was firm with people instead of shrinking from conflict. I was polite, and diplomatic, even if I sometimes had to slip into other characters to get the job done. Those characters are still a part of me, even if they have different names and clothes.

I didn't get out of debt nearly as much as I would have liked. I spent too much money on going out to eat and iTunes and didn't spend nearly as much as I thought on coffee. I didn't lose any pounds, actually gained some, but I learned that I have to watch it, even if I am teh hottness of awesomeness. I fell out of my fitness routine because each time I devoted myself back to it, I got sick. I learned the importance of getting my rest.

I had to deal with car stuff twice - but both times someone else hit me, so I'd like to pretend that maybe this year, no one will hit me, their fault or not.

I said yes to too many projects, and consequently have learned important lessons about saying no. I threw myself a birthday party which was one of the best birthday parties I can recall having, and fell in love with cooking by myself on fridays.

I spent a lot of time on the computer, some of it well spent, and some of it just spent. I bought a lot of cool toys, thus probably why I didn't get out of debt like I would have hoped, but my toys distract me from the possibility that I might not get out of debt ever.

I made a lot of progress at work, felt like I was getting somewhere, and still had to suffer the painful realization of defeat a couple of times. I was kind of a "can't be arsed" employee at times, and at others, I worked overtime on Saturdays and the night before holidays. I tried to be productive, even if I got distracted by my unlimited texting plan one too many times.

I went to a lot of new cities and visited a lot of people who I've always said "oh we should come and visit" but then we never did. We put a lot of miles on the new car, too many for the lease actually, so I have to try and put less miles on in 2009.

I bought shirts that cost more than it takes to feed a child for a year according to the UN's world food programme. They were a reward tho, and they feel fabulous against my skin, so I want to say that it was worth it.

I didn't spend nearly enough time with Anthony, but I don't think I'll ever think I spend "enough" time with that boy. I tried to make our time together count, and I feel like we connected on a deeper level this year, sharing music and movies and our secrets together.

My 2008 was interesting, fabulous, busy, fun-filled, and mostly drama free. I learned a lot, did a lot, gained a lot, didn't lose very much, and moved my goals forward. I couldn't hope for too much more in 2009, I mostly hope that things continue, friends stay close, I keep learning and growing and moving forward, and that things stay interesting, busy, and happy.

And I hope for love, laughter, good food, good music, good times, and the gentle feeling of center to pervade the whole big shebang.

And I hope for all of these things and more for all of you. ;)

merry merry

2008-12-25T04:53:24Z

to all of you out there, I wish you a very merry christmas and a blessed, unexpected, interesting new year...

;)

so happy term is over!

2008-12-05T02:35:14Z

Term is over! Term is over! its over its over its over!

I took an astronomy exam and then the astronomy final tonight - and if I did the math correctly, I got an "A" in the class. Woot! And hopefully I will get A's in the other two. I know I did as much in the HR class, just not sure about Tae Kwon Do. I mean. You know. I got A's on the exams and did the tournament, but I got a B+ for forms on the midterm. So if she doesn't like my forms on the final, then I guess... oh, I dunno. It would be nice to keep the 4.0 so I wouldn't have to stress about that when it comes time to apply to law school.

But! So! Happy! Its! Over! Seriously. It could not go on for one more day. I literally would have died or something. Ok, I'm being dramatic, but whatever.

Work is insane. Two major clients want to "go live" on the new system on the same day. January 2nd. All of my vacations have been sort of cancelled until I can get the system into the ready state. And of course both clients require significant modifications to the underlying architecture to make sure they are getting what they want - HALF of which are not even finished in the programming stage. So, waiting on the vendor on that one. But... I may have actually gotten the first one pretty close to the demo stage today, and I should receive a lot of modifications tomorrow, so they say. We'll see. I may have to work briefly this weekend.

Oh, and I got sick on Saturday night, and I've been toying with it since then. So of course the asthma is kicking up and keeping me up at night with the hacking cough. So yes, when I say that term is over and it literally almost killed me - IT DID.

but it's over! so now I can play video games and drink and watch tv and read books and take bubble baths and do all those things that normal people do when they aren't going insane from school. WOOT!

Possibility

2008-11-23T14:28:03Z

This semester is a bit rough for me. I'm taking three classes at once, even though it's only 7 credits. I didn't think the third one would be that bad, since it's only one credit, but that one credit happens to be full of tae-kwon-do-goodness.

So, between using up another of my evenings in the week, making me do those horrible stomach exercises (which I think are actually becoming easier, woot) and making me realize that I had to go get the knee finally checked out (I have tendonitis and have to do PT for four weeks), I have also become much better at conflict resolution. It has made me realize that people 'front' on you all the time and try and intimidate you into giving them what they want.

yesterday, I broke a board with my hand. With my hand! It was the most amazing thing I think I've ever done. Seriously. Mostly because I didn't think it was going to happen. I'm standing there, next to my instructor, and she's telling me the how-to's and the what-for's and while I wanted to believe I could do it, the rest of me was pretty convinced that this was a solid object and wouldn't be breaking anytime soon.

The look of elation on my face when I did it. I must have said four times "I broke a board with my hand!" with this insane tone to my voice. I made the Grandmaster laugh. I made the audience laugh. I made my instructor very very proud.

I amazed myself.

And now that's become the mantra for me, when I start to think that something is too hard, or will take too much effort, or that I can't do it. I broke a board with my hand.

That's the good word for today - do something that scares you - something you aren't sure you can do - and then enjoy amazing yourself.

tonight

2008-11-05T04:22:02Z

I share my country with all sorts of Americans. People who believe in lots of different things, and have diverse views, and that's all ok. In fact, its more than ok - it's expected, and regarded as the highest form of democracy.

A country's liberties are judged not by how it treats its supporters, but by how it treats its dissidents. And of course... Dissent is the highest form of patriotism.

Tonight, however, tonight I share my country with people who believed in a dream. People who made a difference, who voted for change, and voted for a man with a vision. And some of us did it because he was black, some of us did it even in spite of this, and some of us, me included, just did it because we agreed with what he had to say, and we believed in him, and in us, and in what we can do when we work together, instead of against each other.

Tonight is a wonderful night to be a public service student. A woman. An American.

And while lots of people will say - YES WE DID - I believe that now is when our real work begins. So, I raise my glass to everyone, I extend my hand to all of you, no matter who you voted for - and I ask you to continue to believe that now, more than ever...

YES WE CAN....

some things make a post

2008-11-04T04:02:29Z

1. So. Tired. of Politics. Can't wait for tomorrow. Voting, free coffee, and no more calls from people trying to get my vote.

2. Group project of doom is nearing completion - finally! Several edits, one 2am night (not a friday, le sad,) one intervention, one email, one phone call to the professor, and three minor freak outs later... it might be done. Eh. Tired of it. Don't care anymore.

3. Astronomy is kicking my ass. Need to do four more units THIS WEEK to add up to the FOUR I did last week to stay on pace to actually finish the damn thing before the end of term. Gah. Have to focus and keep on task so I can run off next week and be all user-conferency.

4. The knee is undergoing physical therapy. I have more arthritis than a girl my age should have, a wide Q-angle, and kneecaps that fall higher than what is to be expected. I have tendonitis. Some of this is genetic. Some of this is degenerative. Some of this can be fixed. We cannot go to the gym until we have finished PT. We are sad. We are doing pilates with Lisa and she is teh awesome because she puts up with me whining. We are going to lose 20 lbs by the convention. GO us!

5. We are learning that life is even more unexpected than we can even imagine.

sort of annoyed

2008-10-21T02:24:24Z

so I'm subtle.
My "big gesture" and my reaching out isn't that big, and my arms aren't as obvious.
But I'm doing it.
I am trying to communicate.

I wrote you a poem. It's about how we're falling apart.
And I sent it to you. In an email, without a body or a subject.
And then I told you I sent it, in one of those little message windows.

And even bigger still, I mentioned it to you when you got home.
And you said you got it, but that you didn't read it yet.
And we're been sitting within 20 feet of each other all night.
And you haven't mentioned it.

I'm drawing a line in the sand. Right here. And I'm going to stand
on this side of it. Because I am done chasing you.
And I am done pleading with you to see me.
And I am done begging with you to let me in.

If you want me, fight for me. Come and get me.
Because I am too overly convinced that our entire life is just my doing. I want to see what you can do when given the chance.

Don't blow it.

some more things

2008-10-20T02:01:14Z

1. Just got back from Gettysburg (well, like 4 hours ago, but I digress) and we had a great time. The park is amazing - it was absolutely incredible to be surrounded by such history and stuff. I took some great shots, and some not so great shots. A lot of the ones I took in the late day were over-exposed, so I have to actually start learning about some of the higher functions of the camera. Poo. Work.

2. I really need to work on not looking at stuff that is likely to upset me. But I am sort of dumb in that regard.

3. Another giant milestone in the "learn to deal with conflict effectively" is that I finally managed to tell the one person who really needed to be told that he really needed to back off, step away, and recognize that life didn't turn out the way that I wanted it to, but that now I was ok with that.

4. School is absolutely kicking my butt. Which is why I'm here updating livejournal. *rolls eyes at self* Actually, I just got finished with a chapter in astronomy and am trying to de-stress for a few before I run off to bed. Gah.

5. Doc appt tomorrow. We're going to discuss the knee. I want an explanation for the random stabby pain, and perhaps some sort of "do this and it will stop doing that" prognosis. I am high maintenance like that.

6. Upgraded my phone plan to unlimited data and 5000 txt messages because apparently I sent and received 1,400 of the little buggers last month. I swear I am not a 15 year old girl.

5 things for saturday

2008-10-11T12:47:57Z

1. First of all the phrase "ten thousand lemmings can't be wrong" is an ironic statement meant to imply that "everyone else is jumping off the golden gate bridge, so that MUST be the cool thing to do!" whereas we all know that each and every one of us is a "PC" and not an "NPC" so we would only do things after careful consideration and considerable thought. It's supposed to be funny. I see now that it failed in that regard. I apologize for being obtuse and smarmy. If anything, I didn't mean you guys were lemmings, I meant that me jumping on the bandwagon was behavior attributable to lemmings, thus making all my claims of individuality somewhat defunct.

2. I opened a brokerage account on Friday. Finally. I've kind of been meaning to do it for a long time now, just to get in and play around with some money here and there, you know, sort of like gambling, only without drinking and cocktail waitresses. Why Friday? Dude. 8100. The Dow hit 8100. It was like a giant stock sale. Giant. I bought GM for under $5. DUDE! GM! I am ostensibly calling it my "BMW account" in the hopes that I will be able to take $500 and turn it into a 528i. LOL...

3. Life is good, crazy, awesome, horrible, wonderful right now. There's a lot of pride and self-loathing. Some certainty and some uncertainty. Some willingness to jump off the cliff and go hang-gliding, and some desire to stay at home on the couch. There's some free time, and some hundreds of pages of astronomy to read. There's some pounds being lost, but no gym time. I'm nervous, but happy. I'm terrified, but assured. My heart stops beating several times a day, and then beats even faster just to catch up. There's butterflies, and then they pass, and I'm left wondering if they'll come back. And I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'd rather have a trapezoid that doesn't fit in a square hole, than the square that gives me "quiet desperation."

4. Going to gettysburg next weekend with bill & dawn. Hoping that will be a good time and all that. I'm sure it will be.

5. Going to Boston again Nov 10-11-12-13. Staying in Cambridge this time. Good times. At the Marriott! Pageflex Users Conference. Actually driving up. Yay demos and importance and new england in the fall. life is sometimes so busy that it helps to take the long way once in a while.

the numbers game

2008-10-08T00:03:44Z

Since you all are huge proponents of this "five things" methodology of posting, I have decided that ten thousand lemmings can't be wrong and that I'd rather adopt the method than abandon the posting.

1. School is royally kicking my behind. I am taking three classes at once - oh woe is me, I know - but it leaves little time for other, more interesting pursuits. Tae Kwon Do + HR in the Public Sector + Astronomy, self-paced. It turns out that "self-paced" means "Leave till the last fecking minute" in this household. Bleh.

2. Work is also kicking my behind. Good projects. Meaningful work. Lots of freedom to accomplish things and get things done. All the resources I could possibly want. Just wish I could stay late or come in early more often to give it the attention it deserves. (or, you know, Frakking focus for once)

3. Isn't it grand to be in love?

4. Define "selling out." Is it :
(a) Compromising your principles in order to get ahead by some socially acceptable definition of the words, regardless of who you thought you were going to be, or what you intended to accomplish

*or*

(b) Joining the adult world, taking your work seriously and passionately enough to be great at it, and buying the Brooks Brother's shirt because not only is it freakin' brooks brothers, but you've wanted one ever since you saw it in the window two summers ago?

Yeah. I've always thought it was A also, but someone accused me of having sold out because of B at lunch on Friday. And I'm not sure why I'm letting it bother me if for no other reason than I used to value said lunch-companion's opinion before, but now I'm thinking I have to write him off as having never actually engaged in the real world enough to realize that being passionate about what you do does not make you a sellout.

5. I've had some real nice career accomplishments lately and they have directly increased with the frequency of my drinking. It's only a glass of wine after the day has run its course, but it still makes me wonder if the adage that the more corporate power you have, the more you drink. Bah.

6. And now a bonus one - Life is really just grand.

I am an Aunt!!

2008-09-07T14:59:52Z

This is the most horribly exciting news that I've ever had on this journal - I'm an AUNT!!!!

My sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl - Layla Pearl - on 9-5-08 at 12:44pm. She was 7lbs 6oz and was 20 inches long.
Mom and Baby are doing great. I can't wait to spoil the bejesus out of both of them. And best part? My baby sister is off for fall, her FAVORITE season...

Pics here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/33803740@N00/

time for another update

2008-08-23T15:18:36Z

1. this is sort of random.

2. Went to a scholar's retreat last weekend and had a blast. Hung out with college kids and incoming freshmen, all recipients of the daytime version of the scholarship I received. It was nice. We talked about articles and books they had sent us to read, and we went to see the carp of pymatuning, and we ate food, and we hung out, and we giggled, and laughed, and made smores. Made me feel immensely better about my geeky dorkdom because I found other geeky dorks with which to be dorky.

3. Have been making broad strides at work in the project department. Am trying to summarize my accomplishments into a case study. Am sort of irritated with CEO because he wants me to sell and also train people on the things that I've implemented, but I would much prefer to train the CSR's and have THEM train the customer, and would much prefer that the SALESPEOPLE do the selling. Call me crazy. But, it's all cool and awesome and makes me feel happy. So. I've got that going for me.

4. School starts on Tuesday. Not ready yet. I mean, have books, have paper, have pencils, but... where did summer go? oh right...

5. Bridesmaid's dresses. Uhg and double-uhg. Remind me never ever ever to work with brides again. They um... yeah.

6. life is just good right now. marriage is good. son is good. school is good. work is mostly ok.

this could, of course, be the caffeine talking. So. YMMV.

the pennsic post

2008-08-12T16:35:28Z

Well, back from war and finally settling into the routine. Home, cooking, laundry, sewing, are all new and fresh and wonderful. The house is a disaster area, but watching tv and being in the air conditioning is quite nice.

There were so many things at pennsic that I didn't get to do. It seemed like it was a hard war to get started. I didn't really arrive there until Monday of war week, and then we were off site for most of Friday. Four days of war it seems is not enough, or maybe I just didn't spend my time wisely enough.

I found it was too hot during the day to really motivate myself towards walking around, and by nighttime shops were closed, classes weren't happening, and I had other plans of some sort. Next year, I vow, to try and spend as much time on site and try and motivate myself towards at least doing things. I've never seen the lake at night. I've never taken a class at pennsic. I didn't get to do aimless wandering and photo-taking.

BT is a fighting camp, so my schedule had to be worked around the battles, especially considering my constant companion has dubbed himself "fighter-helper monkey" and feels obligated to go and find tissues if one of the boys so much as sniffles. I should become more independent. perhaps next year.

I think our new tent worked out, and I think we found all the things we need to make it happy. Now I just have to make a pennsic pack list that actually includes the things that I need, and not some generic internet list that other people have decided they can't live without.

still sewing bridesmaid's dresses. might actually finish before classes start.

have to find the time to clean the house before lisa comes over for tomorrow's birthday dinner. Also need to finish above-mentioned stupid dress before a pickup on thursday. Then have to pack for scholar's retreat at pymatuning. Oh, and also have to find time to make shirt and pants for person who's money I already spent. ><

I somehow squandered my summer on too much to do. Needed more video game time. needed more reading in the hammock in the backyard (would need hammock first, really). Alas.

This randomness has been brought to you by Tuesday afternoon.

Faire la fete!

2008-07-07T18:22:29Z

The Backyard Beachparty Birthday Bash
July 11th
7:00pm - 10:30pm

Christina's birthday falls in the month of July and she loves the beach. Why she's talking about herself in the third person, I'll never know, but anyways... In celebration of my birthday, July 11th will be a special edition of my "Friday Night New Recipe Night" (FNNRN)

RSVP by this Thursday before 5:00pm.

Appetizers & Light Refreshments from 7:00pm - 8:00
Black Bean & Avocado Salsa Mix with Lime Tortilla Chips
Crudite with Spicy Ranch Dip
Strawberry Sangria with Mixed Fruit

Main Course from 8:00pm - 9:00pm
Chicken Skewers with Berry Sauce
Grilled Corn Mix
Spinach and Orzo Salad
Rosemary Grilled Flatbread

Dessert: 9:30pm - 10:30pm
Cappucino
Orange Cake with Orange Buttercream and Raspberry Filling

Your presence are the only presents requested. ;)
(but if you really must, your host loves sweet white wines)

email
meriae@shallomar.com
to RSVP and request directions.

Tonight's menu:

Grilled Portobello burgers with Roasted Red Pepper Aioli and Watercress
Curried Lamb Burgers with Mint Raita
Bratwurst Burgers, thanks to ragnvaeig
Jamaican Jerk Burgers
Blue Cheese Burgers

if you want to bring something, you can bring chips, or beer, or something. I can't drink alcohol, sadly, because of a new medication, but I'm looking forward to eating and hanging out and cooking. :)

its about that time

2008-06-25T23:20:50Z

Lessee... time for an update...

1. Have finished with summer classes, woot. Received top marks again. Was really convinced I'd tank'd my GPA this time, for reals, no seriously, but it all worked out in the end. Am going to "geek camp" in August with Honors College for discussions and whatnot. Am quite looking forward to it. Having dinner with the ASL ladies next week, am starting to think am quite the little overachiever.

2. Started prepping for pennsic on sunday. Have made one pair of pants for self, and lots of other things for other people. Am sewing again this sunday, and probably all sundays until pennsic. We shall see.

3. Came down with nasty icky lower respiratory infection this weekend and was really, truly, sick and nasty monday through today. Am starting to feel better, despite the hacking smoker's cough (no, I do not smoke and I never have) so coworkers scared me into making a dr's appt. He will say "yes, it's an infection, no we can't do anything about it, get plenty of rest, drink lots of fluids, and go away." but would like assurance anyways.

4. have not been able to keep up with the gym since have been sick. le sad. have been going a lot and think I look thinner, but might have wrecked all of that with all of the eating whatever I want this week since had no appetite and only ate sparingly.

5. acquired new fridge and finally have dishwasher. Feel like I'm on vacation.

6. am very much looking forward to "burger lab" friday night. am going shopping thursday night for ingredients. may even go to the gym. tonight is last night of "lazing on couch like potato, hoping to kick the virus"

7. life is good.

new food fridays

2008-06-25T15:08:03Z

So it occurs to me that since I've been doing this for a while now, maybe I ought to make it a "thing"

On Fridays, when I have no other plans, I end up staying home, cooking new recipes, drinking wine, listening to music, and just generally hanging out. Sometimes people show up, sometimes its just me and the vino.
Sometimes the food is awesome, sometimes it's not.
Fun is a given, everything else is optional.

This friday I'm cooking. I don't even know what I'm cooking, but here's your invite to come by and check it out.

I get started around 6-ish. Email me, text me, call me, for my address. :)
meriae@shallomar.com forwards to the appropriate locale.

EDIT: I've decided this friday is "Burger Night"
Both Gourmet and Bon Appetit recently did burger articles, so it'll be crazy burger night. Let me know if you plan on stopping by so I can have enough MEAT!

kudos to iTunes

2008-05-29T15:41:40Z

So in the last south park episode that I watched, Kyle talks about digital distribution over the internet for intellectual property and remarks:

We thought we could make money on the Internet. But while the Internet is new and exciting for creative people, it hasn't matured as a distribution mechanism to the extent that one should trade real and immediate opportunities for income for the promise of future online revenue. It will be a few years before digital distribution of media on the Internet can be monetized to an extent that necessitates content producers to forgo their fair value in more traditional media.

...and I think that last night I had an example of a change in the marketplace towards market forces. It made me incredibly happy, and it made me happy enough to endorse this sort of behavior with my money.

Now I feel like I'm at a napster-anonymous meeting or something, but I love music. I love all different sorts of music, I love discovering new music and I have bonded with people over the different types of music they could expose me to multiple times. I don't always have the budget to facilitate my addiction, so I have pretty much been a hard-core music pirate.

But I could change over to being an upstanding citizen if the cost-benefit analysis broke down into my getting a value for my dollar over and above what I get for nothing. That's right, I'd be willing to pay money for something I could get for free if the quality of the music and the product was over and above that which I could get on my own.

There's no monetary cost associated with stealing music, but there are other intangible costs - the time it takes to find quality downloads, the threat of viruses or corrupted music, the threat of legal action if I'm caught, and the overall feeling of guilt that I get when I do it. But the cost of the music has generally been enough that I have been willing to take on these intangible costs in order to avoid the real monetary costs. If, however, the price was lowered into my range of acceptable, I would surely pay it just to avoid the intangible cost.

It turns out that my break point price is $11.99 for a full-length album with 21 tracks, a video, a book, and bonus content. Plus, when it plays on my iPod or iTunes, the little album cover comes up. Individual songs are $0.99, so if i would have purchased the tunes on my own, it would have been over $20, plus I wouldn't have been able to buy some of the tracks because they were "album only exclusives" as was the video and little book thing. Do I watch videos? Do I read the little book often? No, not really, but it was a cool perk, and one that made me feel like I was getting more bang for my buck.

What did it cost the record company to sell me the album? Literally nothing after the initial costs of production. In fact, the cost of production actually goes down as the number of sales goes up because you are leveraging those intial costs over more units. It makes me happy to see that the market is shifting towards getting a die-hard music pirate like me to buy into the 'value' they provide. Good job, iTunes!

a mini update

2008-05-15T01:59:11Z

greetings everyone ! :)

I am pretty much addicted to facebook these days, and between my summer class which is four days a week, plus working full time and still trying to pretend I have a life outside of that, all of my intellectual energy is spent well before I even think about blogging.

Let's see... some interesting tidbits...

1. I became a pseudo-aunt yesterday. My best friend and his wife had their first child, a little boy, Christopher William. 8lbs 3oz. Yay!

2. Work is teh suck again. Nothing works. All my projects are stalled. I have nothing to do, so I invent things. Blah. I was told today that I'm ineffective. No shit. Thanks for making me feel worse by helping me point out my inadequacies.

3. I have gained and lost the same five pounds since January 25th. No more. Time to GHBP. (Get Hot by Pennsic)

4. I will spare you the details, but I am having some gastrointestinal issues which may or may not be related to my gallbladder. We tried cutting foods out. We tried putting foods in. We went for bloodwork. Now we go for a sonogram. I wonder if my gallbladder looks 10 lbs heavier on tv... ?

5. My summer class is french. It's four days a week for 3 hours a night. Sacre Bleu! Or something like that. It's only for six weeks, and I know at the end of this week my thought will be "only 5 more till I get summer break"

6. Umm... lesse... I can't think of anything else relevant or interesting. My weight, my job, oh! The family. They are good. There we go, you're up to date.

duh

2008-05-06T22:12:57Z

So I didn't actually ever mention that I was being considered for a scholarship... 'cause I'm retarded or something. ;)

Anyways... I was invited to apply for the Chancellor's evening scholarship near the beginning of April. I had to submit a personal essay, a transcript, and a recommendation from a faculty member. Once that was over, I was asked to come down and interview with the assistant dean of the College of General Studies and some other folk.

The scholarship is actually "the most prestigious academic award CGS students may receive at the University of Pittsburgh."

There is more info here:
https://www.cgs2.pitt.edu/default.aspx?EntryUID=bf3707b9-ff28-43da-a362-ace6cb8f5fff
about 1/3rd of the way down that page.

So, yay!!

woot!!

2008-05-06T21:59:37Z

Just got home from work to a very thin letter from the university - uh oh. But inside was a letter informing me that I have been selected as a Chancellor's Evening Scholar!!

I GOT THE SCHOLARSHIP!!

and in 12 hours...

2008-04-22T01:48:01Z

things can change dramatically. No longer cranky. No longer pissy. Paper finished. Finals finished. Day is over. Perspective gained.

I got in this morning and found out that I would be in a four hour meeting for the first part of the day. Enough to make anyone cranky, I think. I also was in the middle of writing a paper about Fight Club and White Noise - both pieces of degenerative satire. That's a type of satire that takes a look at the human condition and society and picks it apart in excruciating detail. And then to attempt to write a paper on it... yoi.

Anyways. Four hour meeting wasn't so bad. It was with my Printstream person who's awesome and I like very much. We chatted. We had lunch. I showed her some stuff, she thought it was fixable. Woot. About 15 minutes after lunch, my tummy started to hurt. It escalated into me doubled over in pain thinking maybe I should go to the emergency room.

I made a crazy drive to the drug store and picked something up which would eventually (in another hour or so) make me feel better, but by now I was exhausted from being in pain for so long. I survived the day. I didn't die. I realized four hour meetings are not as bad as other things.

Then we got take-out from eat-n-park and I had a bomb-tastic workout. Now I'm watching tv with no popcorn because I have bloodwork in the morning.

I guess we'll see what specifically I happen to be dying of. I know it's not crankiness at least. ;)

should have stayed in bed

2008-04-21T12:48:53Z

well I'm definitely cranky this morning. the smallest things are making me grouchy and grumbly. I feel like jack's wasted life today… will the world change if I implement the new web to print? will the seas boil, or will cancer be cured, or will I stop foreclosures? no. I won't. I'll create a new set of problems and a new headache and new sets of meetings to talk about how closely I'm meeting my goals which align with the goals of the company to synergize our opportunities across markets.

i hate the fact that we must converse in subtext. we cannot actually say what we want, we have to dress it up in terms and words that don't mean anything. constructed images of things we want to say, but which sound socially acceptable and appear to be more important than they are. maybe i should write little haikus and send them to everyone in the company.

degenerative satire has a tendency to make me disgruntled. peeling back the layers of society to look at the grubby machinery underneath is sort of like looking behind the curtain. once you know the wizard is just a sad little man, it makes the magic less impressive. and i'd bother to look for the blue pill if I even for a moment believed I wouldn't just go and discover the truth all over again after I took it…

i reject the basic assumption that i'm supposed to grow up, get married, and produce multiple offspring. what sort of answers would that bring? and I hate the overall assumption that those people who have bought into this constructed ideal are somehow superior to those of us who've rejected it as meaningless. I am not jill's productive uterus.

i hate mondays.